I've been working on my rental house for a while and little by little, I'm getting things done and making it my own. My family has been a fabulous help. Friends too. We spent last weekend cleaning and painting and doing all sorts of handiwork. By Monday night (I took the day off work to finish painting and such), the dark paneled living room, which offended my senses by totally sucking up every bit of sunlight that came through the windows, was painted a relaxing shade of blue/green/gray called Zen with white trim. I'm proud to say you really can hardly tell it's the same room, especially after Christine and I set up the furniture. Now I just need to find my cream colored curtains (which I had hanging in my house in Rockford 7 years ago but are now somewhere buried in my Abercorn house, sigh) and paint the two big bookshelves that I got from my sister in law's great aunt, which I think will finish off the fireplace end of the room quite nicely.
This weekend my mom and step-dad come back to help me pack up more of my Abercorn house things, a job which is daunting both physically and emotionally for oh so many reasons. Living in two residences at once is confusing and frustrating, especially since I'm still not quite sure when I can move out of Abercorn and into Poplar. My goal is to be completely moved by the time Zan starts school mid-August so that he is going through as little transition at one time as possible. I think that's possible.
As for the Abercorn house, it's officially on the market- sign in the front yard and all that jazz. Disappointingly, we had to list it at less than what we paid for it six years ago- and we finished the basement after that! Financially we'll be taking a big hit, but after looking at how long all the other houses in our neighborhood sat on the market at higher prices before finally selling (and having dropped their own prices down considerably), we decided our only option was to undercut the current sellers from the get-go. So on top of all that we've been doing on the Poplar house, we've been cleaning and readying the Abercorn house for sale. Having spent until 9:30pm tonight scrubbing the walls and other surfaces, I can easily say I'm ready for even just one night where I do nothing!!! Not seeing that in my future any time soon though, LOL. That's okay, all that hard work just keeps me busy and helps me get through this a bit easier.
And now, a little less conversation...
BE
FORE- My living room- dark paneling made the room look SOO dark and closed in!! I bought samples of the four blues you see on the far wall and settled on the one second from the left. I then settled in to the task of taping and priming and painting... it took MUCH longer than I expected. But then again, I've always been horrible at estimating how long it will take to get something done.
AFTER- Even though these pics are taken at about 1am (when Christine and I finished moving furniture), I still feel like the room is brighter! I want to get back over there on a really sunny day and take some good natural light pics.
I'm proud to say that I did all the painting and prep work in this room by myself, save the last half of the trim work, which Christine came over to help me with (even though she hates painting- how's that for a friend?! Awesome). The room is definitely a labor of love for me, but I think having done this myself is what makes me like it even more. :)
I have two [currently green] tall bookshelf units that I want to paint a deep chocolate brown to match my furniture- you know, in my spare time, LOL. They will be centered in the space that is on either side of the fireplace.
I also have curtains that will be put up and lots of decorative stuff. Yay, living room!!
I have taken a ton more pics of the entire moving and renovating process and am still deciding what to post. Stay tuned family... :)
Moving Right Along
Changes
...a rambling blog entry...
My life is going through a good deal of change right now as I transition from a relationship that lasted nearly 17 years, including ten years of marriage and two beautiful children, to that of a single woman and single mother. I'm not sure how much I will share on my blog about my marriage and the end of it... those who know me best know I'm a very private person and the details of this seem like something that should remain between Scott and me alone.
I will, however, post about my life and what I'm doing, how I'm doing and how I'm growing- perhaps more for myself than anything else. I like the idea of keeping a record, something for me to look at as the year draws to an end and see what I have accomplished in my new life. I know that it won't always be easy- in fact, I'm guessing for the first few years I'll be put to the test more often than not. But I'm confident that I can handle whatever comes my way.
I've never been alone before. Never lived alone. This will be a whole next experience for me. Exciting and frightening all at once. I am definitely marveling at my new-found independence and the personal growth it will mean for me. I am in the process of fixing up a little rental house for the kids and me to live in. It gives me purpose and a place to channel my energy and emotion. And, as things look more and more as I want them to, I know I will really start to feel good about it and I hope it will begin to feel like home to me.
Tonight, since the kids are at my dad's for one more night, I headed over to do a little work in the yard. I've always loved the outdoors and working in the yard is what I call my "Zen activity." It helps calm and center me and brings me peace when I'm overly stressed. I love the sounds and the smells and the breeze... could do without the spiders, mosquitoes and 90% humidity, but beggars can't be choosers. Tonight I tackled the front yard. The yard in general is pretty weedy (this is an understatement...). The previous tenants moved out a few months back and though the landlord has mowed regularly, there are still all those weeds that decide they would like nothing better than to take over your yard if you turn your back for more than 30 seconds. And, because the yard is full of so many beautiful shade trees, it is also full of little offshoot saplings which have decided to give it a go in my yard.
Thus, I loaded up my gardening tools and my massive wheelbarrow into my car, headed over and set to work. It was hot and I was covered in dirt and sweat and smushed mosquitoes by the time the sun started setting, but all that didn't matter one bit. I can already see a real difference- gone are all the self-planted mulberry trees which were growing up in the shrubbery and the pine tree. The lily beds are all cleaned out of weeds and are now ready for a few additions which I'll take from my garden at the marital house and then mulch up nicely. I started cleaning out the side beds by the driveway too (though I found some giant spiders and a little patch of poison ivy- both of which slowed my progress by causing me to stop working for a bit) and got about half way down the side of the house. There is a massive overgrowth of mint on the street facing end of the house which I will have to thin- and perhaps have a girls' night mojito party with. But once that's done, it'll be completely clear for planting. I've never transplanted mid-summer before, so it should be interesting.
The backyard will be my next outdoor project. It's a really nice size and full of big shade trees- something my newly built subdivision house didn't have and I've missed dreadfully. It will allow the kids to play outside so much more than the old house ever did. It too is weed and sapling filled. Plus, it has this weird round little garden type thing in the middle which isn't so much a garden anymore but rather a circle of really HUGE weeds. I'm thinking perhaps of turning it into a fire pit area. It would be nice to be able to sit out in the evening and look up at the stars or roast marshmallows with the kids. We shall see. I'm full of ideas, but not of funding, LOL.
On top of yard work, I also have permission (and some funding) from my landlord to do some painting. The living room is a dark paneled wood and I'm itching to brighten it up. Same with the enclosed porch, which just calls for the old Hartman daybed and me with a book on a rainy day. I figure that I can do painting on my free evenings when it's too darned hot to be outside.
More than anything I know that these projects will be good for me. They'll give me purpose and keep me busy. I'm taking pictures of everything as I go along so that I can really see all I've accomplished. They're probably not exciting to anyone but me (and maybe my parents, lol), so I won't post them all that often- just often enough to give you a little peek into my new life.
That's enough for this rambling entry. It's already going on and on, offending my literary senses, LOL.
A Wrinkle In Time... and one on my forehead too.
This has been kind of a crazy year for me. I'm not sure whether it has been stress, kids, too much sun or simply getting older (because let's face it, I'm not in my 20s anymore), but I noticed a while back that my forehead is starting to get ... gasp!... wrinkles.
Now I'd like to say, being a staunch feminist, that I could give a rat's ass about whether or not I'm starting to show signs of age. But, quite honestly, I'm a woman and it's ingrained into us pretty much from birth to care about how we look- and I am no different. I fall prey to vanity and comparing what is in the mirror to what is in the media. At the same time, I'm also pretty damned honest in that department. If you ask me, I will tell you my age (I see nothing wrong with being 31), my dress size (I'm actually quite pleased with it right now), my height and weight (the former of which is shorter than you might think- hidden 95% of the time by my love for heels and the latter has bounced about throughout my life- topping the scale at over 200lbs- a fact which very few people know), even my bra size (though I'm not about to post that on here!!). I will admit to dying my hair (darker most of the time- I find people take me more seriously), wearing contacts, wearing undergarments that suck me in and push me up when need be, and knowing how to hide acne, injury and serious under eye circles with the right kinds of makeup. But, while I fall prey to vanity and giving in to fit the media's view of women, I also openly admit to my faults (though I certainly don't like to call them that). I feel like if we as women remain honest, if nothing else but with each other, then perhaps with time we can help change the idea of beauty to one less nipped, tucked and airbrushed and into something more natural.
And so that brings me to today's blog. The first one I've written in a LONG time. But, as I've always said- empowerment through honesty. So here goes... my foray into the world of anti-aging products.
I ran into Walgreens today to pick up my normal face wash. I was actually in a hurry to get home, but Walgreens has a way of tempting me always to buy more than I should. I found myself before that wall of facial care products, overwhelmed with all that was in front of me. A myriad of creams, gels and sprays to help you fix every possible facial ailment (even ones you hadn't even considered UNTIL NOW that you might have). Ingredients I can't even begin to pronounce (or spell, so I'm not even trying). And suddenly there I saw them- the anti-wrinkle creams. I steeled myself up, knowing that I might as well take a look. After all, I had seen those little wrinkles beginning to form within the frown lines of my forehead. And the big ones that go where my smile lines are at my mouth (though I'm not necessarily in a hurry to get rid of those). Perhaps some preventative maintenance is what I need- or so that was the thought running through my head as I continued my perusal.
I stared for far too long, reading labels of the miracles each item could work- yes, I DO look tired (two kids and a full time job will do that to you)... hmm, I'm sure I could stand to be revitalized... rejuvenated, most definitely... shrink my pores and reduce fine lines and wrinkles- ooh, I want that!! ... collagen, retin-A, microdermibrasion, vitamin this and that and the other... oh my! It was more than enough to make my head spin.
Fortunately, I spotted a clerk nearby who appeared to be somewhere in the age range of my own mother- and when you don't have your mom with you to help, someone else's mom will have to do. Plus, she had wrinkles, so I figured she was no stranger to my dilemma. And so I wandered up to her, clueless deer in the headlights look in my eyes and, like the little lost child, asked her, "Please help!" She asked what I needed and I admitted pitifully, "I need help picking wrinkle cream!!" She found this quite funny and had a good laugh (with me,not at me!). I lucked out in asking her though, as it seems she had already tried quite a few of the creams on the shelf and, being both the clerk for the cosmetics section and a consumer, she knew all about what each one did and the research. She told me quite honestly which ones worked and which ones weren't worth the fancy packaging they came in. When we finally settled on something, she set me up with a $5 coupon and a $15 rebate- reduce wrinkles AND cost! Score one for Walgreens!
And so I spent my small fortune on two tiny tubes of miracle gel and headed off home to my little wrinkle producers. I gave the products, some system by Neutrogena which claims to be "a breakthrough anti-aging technology using the power of bioelectricity" (the fact that spell check doesn't even think that's a word makes me giggle), a try this evening. It didn't seem to be anything overly unusual. But, according to the box, in four weeks I will see positively electrifying results in my skin. Hmm... is electrifying really a good thing? Should I be frightened?
So, should you happen to see me in four weeks or more, feel free to point out my wrinkles and comment on their (hopefully reduced) size... at your own risk of course.
Autumn
It seems that autumn is apparently here. Not much transition this year, unless you count the mild summer we had as fall- in which case we actually got far more than our normal two weeks of the perfect weather that generally marks the start of fall in Illinois. Without a doubt, autumn is my favorite time of year. I am not sure which part I love the most- the end of the unbearable heat and humidity, the changing of the colors, the smell of the earth on a rainy day or those sunny days when you kick through piles of leaves and you are reminded of childhood, back when you jumped head first into towering piles, newly raked by mom and dad (and then got yelled at)… or maybe it’s simply the knowledge that soon the bitter Midwestern winter will begin and last, undoubtedly, for the next six months. This knowledge always makes it so that I treasure every last autumn moment.
When I was younger fall meant camping. Hiking through Starved Rock. Campfires. Girl Scout sleepovers where we froze to death at night but loved every minute of it- especially the chocolate chip campfire pancakes the next morning. I have always looked forward to sharing these same experiences with my kids- though I am a bit impatient waiting for them to get old enough. I can only assume that a one year old does more eating of nature than appreciating it. As it is, at four my son is already a huge fan of campfires (and S’mores) and of jumping in leaf piles.
And so I waited through the summer for the fall, so that I could begin enjoying my favorite time of year. But fall arrived in a rather wet and chilly fashion this year and though I do love the smell of rain in the fall, I would prefer it not occur every day. It’s hard to go walking and enjoy the changing of colors when you are damp and shivering.
And yet, at heart I am an optimist. And even more so an artist. And so despite the dreary pitch that this season has taken, I still find it hard to deny its beauty. Now that I commute for two hours of my day five days a week, I see a lot more of the Midwestern countryside than I ever did before and I notice some of the subtleties that I never did while rushing through all those times before. It’s hard to miss the intensity of the changing leaves- when I lived on the border of Northern Illinois, the autumn colors would literally take my breath away. My college campus was wooded and I loved wandering around taking it all in- though I am not an overly religious person (at least not in the sense of organized religion), in those moments I always felt as if I was particularly close with God. There was an overwhelming sense of peace and calm that came simply from closing my eyes and breathing it all in, listening to the rustling leaves and feeling the cool breeze on my skin. Those moments where the difficulties of grown up life could be shut out and replaced with the simple joys of nature.
But beyond the changing of the leaves, there is so much more to be seen. More than I had ever believed. There is a point in my commute each day when I have to choose which way to go home. My exit has been closed for well over a month now (I will not ruin this entry with my tirade regarding that) and so I have to choose between two alternate routes, both of which put me driving through more countryside than my normal 98% interstate way (and take a good 10 minutes longer- but again, stopping before tirade begins). And though the routes do take longer, they also force me to drive a bit slower and look around- and every single day I have wished for my camera.
On one particular drive it had been raining most of the day, but stopped shortly before I began my commute. The sun was just coming out again and I came up over the crest of a hill to see the fields, newly cut, shimmering a bright gold in the sunlight- against the backdrop of a sky so deep stormy blue that the contrast of the two was near perfect.
Yet another drive revealed to me a picture perfect little white farmhouse- faded but beautiful in its simplicity, with one of those massive old white pine trees that seem to show up occasionally along the central Illinois countryside. It all seemed so serene. Such a perfect little escape from the bustle of normal city life; the sort of place I have always dreamed of buying for my own.
And then there are the tiny details. The way the leaves on the very tips of the trees seem to hang on the longest, standing out in such stark contrast to the bare branches leading out to them. The way the sky manages to look different each morning as the sun rises- some days the colors are brash and dramatic, others are more subtle in their beauty. The clouds that form on both clear days and stormy, reminding me of all the times I sat as a child picking out the figures hidden within them and creating stories. And if you stop and look at all the life around you, fading slowly and folding itself up for the winter, you can see the beauty really is in the details.
I like to think that I am not the only one who often finds themselves caught off guard by the beauty of all that is around us. That I am not the only one lost in dreamstate while staring at the sky. It does, at times, cause a lack of focus on my part- but often I think our lives are far too fast paced and focused once we grow up anyway and it is truly a loss when we move so fast that we miss the details, big or small, subtle or brash, that mother nature throws our way in any season.
On a side note, I have a far more difficult time remaining so inspired by winter… especially by about month four.
Take a Flying Leap
It's been ages since I've updated this thing, mostly due to the fact that my new job keeps me amazingly busy. Even my lunch hours go insanely fast! I love it though. And really, truth be told, I could use being kept more busy at the office.
So this is just a tiny update mostly to tell you about my new 30 List accomplishment- or soon to be accomplishment. It turns out my long time BFF Steph is as crazy as I am and was planning on skydiving this summer just as I was! We were both pretty excited to discover the coincidence. So of course, because it's way more fun to do this sort of thing with someone else than it is by yourself (and my husband has announced that there is no way he is going anywhere near the open door of any airplane not on the ground), she and I are going to jump together. Two weeks from today we will be making our jump- actually by this time two weeks from now, I will already have jumped! Craziness. I'm beyond excited. I will, of course, post about how it all went after I've done it.
So until then, here's to living life to the fullest. Wish me luck! :)
Making Progress- The 30 List
I’ve been 30 for nearly a month now and I’m proud to say that I have actually made some progress on this 30 List thing!! For me, the consummate procrastinator, that says an awful lot. So what, you ask, have you done so far Stacy? Ok, so maybe you don’t ask that, because not many people really care about what I do on a daily basis. But let’s pretend for a moment that you DID ask, lol.
Item 3- Take a belly dancing class.
As I mentioned in my last entry, my friend Andrea and I decided to give this one a shot. I have to tell you, it is the MOST fun I’ve had in AGES!!!! We laugh and dance our way through an hour each Tuesday and I leave in the best mood. You can’t wipe the smile off my face for the rest of the evening. It reminds me of why I loved dance so much. There is such an emotional component for me when it comes to dancing and during the moments where I know what I’m doing enough to lose myself, it’s a really great experience- a combination of the femininity and sensuality of the movements and the pure happiness that I feel from dance itself. Needless to say, we’ve had a great time. We loved it so much we signed up for the second course and are now through our second week of Advanced Belly Dance. We even plan on taking the course that follows this one. Now that I’ve remembered why it was that I loved dance so much, I certainly do not plan on stopping. I may even take a ballet class or two once belly dancing is over, so that I can relearn my first love. We’ll have to see how much my husband allows, since it means he has to take care of the kids the evenings I have class.
Some pics for your general amusement-
Andrea and I on our last day of the beginning course, when we got to use veils.
Love the classes enough that now I have some fantastically jingly scarves to
wear- the white one a birthday gift from Andrea and the black one I bought for
myself out of my left over birthday cash. Both make the BEST noise when you
shimmy.
I was testing out the self timer setting on my new fancy pants camera and taking
random "dramatic" shots, lol. And yeah, Scott likes to laugh at pictures where I
try to look serious or sexy. Apparently I only look natural when being goofy. So
you can laugh too. It’s ok. Life is too short to take ourselves so seriously.
No, I haven’t gone yet. But I haven’t changed my mind about it either. And I’ve been saving a little bit of my paycheck each month towards the $200 fee. I now have $125!! I hope to do this one this summer. My husband thinks I am absolutely insane, but I can’t wait!!!
Item 6- Reopen Floresco
This one is difficult. I have revamped all my web graphics and have a lot done towards reopening, but the fact that my job situation is so up in the air right now has me waiting. Stay tuned.
Item 8- Start sketching again.
This one was my first attempt at drawing in over a decade. My apologies to
anyone uncomfortable with the partial nudity, LOL
Back when I was a sophomore at the U of I, I was riding the bus to class one
rainy morning and we stopped to pick up passengers. Beside the sidewalk there
were two birds, one obviously dead and the one beside it, beating its wings
furiously. Though I don't know how much emotion animals are capable of feeling,
to me this moment was filled with such anguish and despair. That image has
stayed with me for all of these years. I always said that if I were to
draw again, this would be one of the pieces I would create.
Item 9- Study religion. My good buddy Matt showed up in Champaign recently with a present for me. It seems people DO read my blog, LOL, because the box was full of beautiful leather bound copies of different religious texts-The Koran, The Torah, the Bhagavad Gita, The Dhammapada, the Tao Te Ching and a couple of texts on the Christian faith. I was pretty excited!!! I plan on starting my reading once I’m done throwing both kids’ birthday parties in another month or two and I’m looking forward to my spiritual exploration. My agnostic belief system is strongly based on the fact that I feel there is no one religion and that, if God does exist, he accepts all forms of spirituality. Thus, I feel in order to be truly well rounded, we should be able to see things from all different spiritual points of view. I will be happy when I can acknowledge that I don’t just believe that, but that I also live it.
Note: Yes, I openly admit, I am one of those people who takes pictures just for
their blog. Yes, you can laugh, even make fun if you like. I would if I were
you. ;)
The two go together in a way. I am working on both. They are both very personal journeys for me and neither have been easy. As part of this, I’ve been reading The Four Agreements and its companion books- all of which I highly recommend. They are really fantastic for helping you look at the world in a different way. I may or may not write more about this later. As I said, these have been a bit more personal.
Item 12- Maintain the outside...
My goal to maintain my exterior as well as my interior, though somewhat narcissistic in nature, was one of my goals nonetheless. I could say that as a strong woman and a strong supporter of the idea that women should not give into the societal/ media inspired ideals and pressures of perfection, I shun the entire notion of outward improvement. I DO embrace the beauty in all women no matter what shape, size or age she may be. I absolutely do. But, I will also admit, I fall prey to vanity. And thus, I made looking good one of my goals. I won’t deny it and I won’t apologize for it. If I want to look good, then that’s my right as a woman. On that note, I will say the process itself is going quite well. My goal was to get in shape and make 30 look good. Since I posted my 30 list, I’ve lost nearly 20lbs and my dance class has helped tone me up a bit as well. I don’t get out of breath as easily and I’m fitting into sizes I haven’t worn since high school. Call it vanity, call it pride, call it what you want- but I’m happier with my body now than I have been in all of my life and I sure as heck can’t complain about that!
On a final note, I’m adding one additional item to my 30 List.
So that’s it, my update for now. I plan to keep on progressing on the items I’ve started on thus far and also to start thinking about those I haven’t. Maybe in another month or so I’ll have another update for you. J
Getting Started on my 30 List
My 30th birthday is now less than a month away. I'm actually looking forward to it. I've been thinking and saying "I'm almost 30" for almost a year now, so screw this almost thing, I'm ready to be there. Bring on my 30's.
My 30 List was created as a way to get myself to step outside the box; to do a few things in my life that I normally wouldn't for one reason or another. I figured I'd start with some of the easy ones first and work my way up. Number 3 on the list was to take a belly dancing class. I recruited my friend Andrea as my partner in crime for this one. No one else had the balls, lol. The class officially starts this Tuesday and I'm really looking forward to it. Things have been a bit crazy in my life lately and it will be nice to do something fun that can help me laugh and blow off a little steam. I'll take my camera and take pics. Then you can laugh at us too. ;) Look forward to that.
