He's Just Not That Into You

I’m reading that book right now. You know, the one they made that cute little movie out of where everyone seems to be learning the hard way that they shouldn’t be with the person they’re crushing on. It was a gift from my best friend of 16 years. Her token of wisdom (among many) for my foray into the frightening world of singledom. It was also one of the last books she read before she found her Mr. Right.

Not that I’m looking for Mr. Right at this moment mind you. Really, I’d be quite happy with Mr. Let’s Go Camping and Then Watch the Sunrise Together While Drinking Our Coffee or Mr. Let’s Share a Beer and Hotwings While We Get To Know Each Other Better (just make sure that beer isn’t a Bud Light because I’ve got plenty of that in my fridge and I don’t have to put on make up to drink it).

It’s an interesting read this little book. A glimpse into the male mind when it comes to dating. And apparently it’s a glimpse I need, because I’m learning a lot!! For instance, did you know that even though the year is 2010, a girl is not supposed to ask a guy out? Yeah, you heard that right- I find a guy I like, I think “gee, I’d like to go out for a drink and get to know him better some time, I should ask him to do that.” WRONG!!! Apparently this is a turn off for men. They like the pursuit, the chance to catch you. Catch me? Really? I didn’t even realize I was in season! I’m thinking this particular “rule” will be one of the most problematic to me. I’m pretty modern and pretty forward. I don’t like to play games. Honestly, I think they’re irritating and a bunch of BS. If you know me well, you know I don’t sit around and wait for stuff. The way I’ve gotten everything that I have in my life is by going after it. I want something, I figure out what I need to do to get it and then I bust my ass doing it. I don’t sit around waiting for it to come to me! Waiting = wasting in my book. I’m a planner, a doer; I just don’t sit around and wait. I just don’t. That’s REALLY not me. So what then is a girl like me to do? Compromise my ways? I’m kind of touchy about that sort of thing lately…

The co-author of this book is a woman and she’s very much like me in her thinking. She too has gone after all that she’s wanted in her professional life and treated her dating life the same. I’m reading her section, agreeing with all she says and thinking, “Yeah, Liz, so what do we do?” I’m hoping she has an answer that doesn’t mean I have to change my way of thinking, when she says, “But guess what- My way? Has sucked. Hasn’t worked at all.” And all I could think, in a very unladylike fashion, was “Well shit.”

The thing is, I’m not all that girly and I don’t like to follow the girly rules. Don’t get me wrong, I love a cute skirt and a pair of heels like most of the female population- and I take special joy in finding just the right jewelry to go with an outfit. And yes, my toes are always neatly painted. But as a kid I was a tomboy. Growing up I got along better with the guys than the girls. I hung out with my brother and his friends, went hiking, camping and fishing with my family, and was always up a tree somewhere. I didn’t change all that much as I grew older, though I learned how to use makeup (pictures show this to be a LONG learning process) and my female friend circle widened a good deal. Still, I tend to be bawdy in my humor, coarse with my language and strong in my mindset that I can do anything a man can do- and two other things at the same time. I’ve never been the woe-is-me, damsel in distress kinda girl. Um, yeah, screw that. That’s not what my parents raised me to be. I’m a strong willed, opinionated, highly competitive, do-it-yourself kinda girl and I’ve grown into that even more since I’ve gone out into the world on my own. And it serves me well for the most part.

And so it seems to me that this rule is going to pose a problem for me. A big one. It’s not that I don’t think it would be fun to be wooed by a boy. Quite the contrary. I do like the idea of that quite a bit. I just don’t like the idea of sitting around thinking “Gee I hope Joe Schmoe likes me,” sighing and batting my eye lashes and being all wishy-washy WAITING for him to maybe, just maybe, call me. Just the thought of it irritates the bejeezus out of me. And it really annoys me, this whole double standard of how it’s cool for a guy to ask a girl out but not vice versa. This is not the 1940s. Am I seriously going to have to compromise just so that I don’t offend a boy? And do I even want to be with a guy whose ego is so easily bruised? I honestly don’t know.

I am, however, quite curious to know if this really IS how guys are. It’s tempting just to test this theory, since for a while I figure I pretty much won’t care about truly catching a man (are THEY in season?). It brings back out the psychologist in me. I want to do studies, pass out surveys, monitor brain waves and dopamine response, LOL. It also makes me wish I were more like my best friend, who would tease the hell out of any boy who acted so silly. All I know is that I apparently have a LOT to learn about men and have got to decide just how much I am willing to compromise to have one. And right now, the answer to that is “not all that much.”